The Elysium Memes & TDMs

ARRIVAL When you came to, you were mid-conversation with someone you've never seen before, nodding along to instructions that seem to evaporate into the air after they're spoken aloud. You've been welcomed into the industry, given your ID and uniform, and escorted to the back of house. It seemed natural then to just go along with it, to be cordial and pleasant, no matter how insincere it might have been.

They asked you to sit for a while and gather your bearings, and so you sit. The rest settles slowly as you adjust and find the rest of yourself returning. At least the couches are soft.

The room is dark, lit only by a rotating set of colored lights that move across a determined track, bathing the collected employees in bright shades of blue, pink, and violet. Some tables are internally lit in fluorescent shades, surrounding everything in a hazy glow. Distantly, a thumping vibration shakes the southmost wall, indicating something terribly noisy on the other side.

But at the north, a wall panel springs to life, revealing a mustached man who smiles at them warmly. They can try to interject, but it seems to be a prerecorded message; he doesn't pause or acknowledge them in the slightest as he welcomes them.

"The Elysium is proud of how well the new employees have been settling in! The service has maintained its impeccable reputation, and early performance reviews are returning with high marks. Things are already improving greatly now that they've weeded out the bad seeds with the last round of firings. And after the things they tried, good riddance to all of them.

"But for now, onwards and upwards! The interior design folks should be just about done clearing out the last of the Valentine's stuff, so that should be the last chocolate heart anyone has to stomach for a while. We've got the requests in for next month, and it sounds like the High Roller wants to see his kid have a good time for her birthday. It’ll get busy pretty soon, so we’ve brought on some more staff to help out. We’ll hold on to the good ones and get rid of the rest. Hope you all still fit into your old prom dresses."

WORKING THE EVENT FLOOR This time around, the Elysium's resources are dedicated to a massive sweet sixteen celebration. Event spaces are fully decked out with balloons and banquet tables full of candies and sweets, which are all arranged to be bite-sized without risk of ruining anyone's makeup. There are enormous piles of presents stacked everywhere, as requested by the guest of honor.

The Birthday Girl herself can be kind of a handful. Clubs will regularly find themselves tasked with acting as her bodyguard, a fairly standard affair. The trouble is that she’s a shapeshifter and regularly uses that talent to escape discipline or reproach. She might have been a petite brunette at the start of your shift, but by the end of things you may find yourself chasing after a blonde unicorn who’s impulsively decided to go for a gallop through the lobby. She’s prone to obsessing over something for a short while before discarding it in favor of the next distraction, which might prove beneficial to anyone who happens to be on her security team. Even if you don’t have a particular use for that solid-gold charm bracelet she tried to throw in the trash, there’s probably a buyer out there somewhere. Consider it a tip for having to spend an entire day listening to a spoiled rich girl complain about her first world problems. However, it might be best to donate it to one of your co-workers as an apology after the Birthday Girl has ripped up a deck of cards while denying she lost or disrupted a soulful ballad while yelling about how bored she was. At times, she even seems drunk – How did she even get access to tequila?? Keeping her away from the adult-only spaces might turn into a full-time job on its own.

For some reason, the high roller seemed concerned that their event might yield a low turnout. In an effort to stack the odds in favor of success, the resort has invited some extra guests from a number of other places and times. As a result, the event spaces seem particularly packed with bodies, creating a heavier-than-usual demand for service, particularly when it comes to the Spades and Hearts. Is it worth the time it takes to explain to the man in the powdered wig that he doesn’t need to worry about whether the British are coming? Perhaps your time will be better spent making sure that the waist-high green people stop trying to eat the poker chips. They say that the Squid People like to do simultaneous six-armed shots; best of luck to the bartenders tasked with keeping up with the wide variance of body types and needs. And that’s not even getting started with trying to clean up after the slimy trails left behind by the giant slugs.

Most of the guests have never met the Birthday Girl herself, but all of them seem convinced that she's the greatest friend who deserves absolutely all of this. It's something that some employees might experience firsthand, because any off-duty employee who steps into an event space will find themselves abruptly joining the guestlist. Whatever they were wearing before is suddenly replaced with a gown or suit more suitable for a teenager looking to dance the night away. It might be disorienting for some of the elders, if it didn’t come along with the brightness that comes from suddenly reliving a bygone youth, transformed back to the mentality they had at the age of sixteen. Their bodies might be the same, but they'll shed all that emotional growth and maturity that makes old people boring. If you were a preppy teen, live a little and come celebrate! If you were more of a goth, no one will judge you for stomping around sulking as you take advantage of the free food and spend the next three hours complaining about conformists. The important thing is to get people together having their version of a good time. If you get so caught up that you forget to sleep before your next shift, that's a problem for the future.

Diamonds will face different challenges as they do their best to please guests along this theme. Many of them will be regulated to performing generic pop music and birthday standards, trying to lead line dances and inspire audience participation. Barkers and cigarette girls might have a harder time switching tactics to appeal to a party full of people behaving like raunchy teens. Those who normally play classical music will find themselves booed and jeered, and anyone who dresses with a high hemline or a low neckline will find that the level of catcalling is more aggressive than usual. Maybe that’s what you want, though. It sounds like the tips will be nice throughout this event, at least. The adult-only workers might have it easier, but they might want to check passcards for everyone’s real ages every now and again. With everything going on, it’s a little hard to tell who might be cheating the system.

FEATURED GAME: PIÑATAS AND PONIES What’s a birthday party without some fun on the side? Staff members running the featured games will take a role of either Pony or Handler, assigned independently of one’s normal suit affiliation. Ponies are stuffed into enormous piñata mascot outfits, hunched over and awkwardly ambling with limited sight, all to appeal to the Birthday Girl and her throngs of guests. Handlers are there to act as festively-dressed organizers, charged with keeping order while the ponies and guests interact. Part of these shifts require intense trust between employees; ponies are awfully vulnerable in those outfits, especially when the more chaotic games get going!

On a rotating schedule, Pony/Handler pairs will be called upon to facilitate a number of services. Pony Rides are available to guests who request them. Handlers will help boost up a guest and allow them a casual ride upon a pony’s bright pastel back. This serves as a fun distraction as much as it can become a transportation service. Party shoes hurt, after all! As the party goes on past a week, some guests feel more entitled to demand rides to carry them even short distances.

When not being used as beasts of burden, they are the centerpiece of a running game. During a round of Pin the Tail on the Piñata, guests take turns being blindfolded and sent towards the pony with a long paper mache tail and the intent to attach the tail to the mascot costume. Unfortunately, getting it to fit properly means that the tail piece is fitted with a fairly substantial spike at the end. But it’s fine! There’s no way a guest can get at the person inside the costume even if they miss the cushioned rear end. Probably. Nobody’s actually had a chance to test it before things went live. But it’s most likely safe for employees. Guess everyone will find out at the same time. And hey, maybe if they damage a pony outfit enough, candy might pop out. Fun for the whole family!

Over in the adult spaces, some of the folks on staff have been modifying the costumes to get into ponyplay, but that’s to be expected with those types. They’re always finding a way to have a different kind of fun. (And is that the Birthday Girl trying on a harness?? She shouldn’t even be allowed in that area! Someone should probably do something about that.)

OOC And here's our first event, ready to kick off March with a little celebration and perhaps a few hijinks. If you have questions, feel free to direct them here.

And if you think this game might be a good fit for some friends, invitations are now open for the upcoming app round.