TEST DRIVE MEME #2

[shiftmanager]

Welcome to the second test drive of theelysium!

Test drive threads may be considered game canon if all participants wish to maintain the CR developed here.

The game is invite-only, closed to friends of the moderators and those invited by current players. Current players may submit invitations at any time. If you are interested in joining the game but do not know anyone involved, you may reach out to the mod team to request an invitation for the current app round.

If you have any questions about the setting, here are some links to the game's premise and setting information pages.

Thank you for playing! We're excited to have you.

ARRIVAL When you came to, you were mid-conversation with someone you've never seen before, nodding along to instructions that seem to evaporate into the air after they're spoken aloud. You've been welcomed into the industry, given your ID and uniform, and escorted to the back of house. It seemed natural then to just go along with it, to be cordial and pleasant, no matter how insincere it might have been.

They asked you to sit for a while and gather your bearings, and so you sit. The rest settles slowly as you adjust and find the rest of yourself returning. At least the couches are soft.

The room is dark, lit only by a rotating set of colored lights that move across a determined track, bathing the collected employees in bright shades of blue, pink, and violet. Some tables are internally lit in fluorescent shades, surrounding everything in a hazy glow. Distantly, a thumping vibration shakes the southmost wall, indicating something terribly noisy on the other side.

But at the north, a wall panel springs to life, revealing a mustached man who smiles at them warmly. They can try to interject, but it seems to be a prerecorded message; he doesn't pause or acknowledge them in the slightest as he welcomes them.

"The Elysium is proud of how well the new employees have been settling in! The service has maintained its impeccable reputation, and early performance reviews are returning with high marks. Things are already improving greatly now that they've weeded out the bad seeds with the last round of firings. And after the things they tried, good riddance to all of them.

"But for now, onwards and upwards! The interior design folks should be just about done clearing out the last of the Valentine's stuff, so that should be the last chocolate heart anyone has to stomach for a while. We've got the requests in for next month, and it sounds like the High Roller wants to see his kid have a good time for her birthday. It’ll get busy pretty soon, so we’ve brought on some more staff to help out. We’ll hold on to the good ones and get rid of the rest. Hope you all still fit into your old prom dresses."

WORKING THE EVENT FLOOR This time around, the Elysium's resources are dedicated to a massive sweet sixteen celebration. Event spaces are fully decked out with balloons and banquet tables full of candies and sweets, which are all arranged to be bite-sized without risk of ruining anyone's makeup. There are enormous piles of presents stacked everywhere, as requested by the guest of honor.

The Birthday Girl herself can be kind of a handful. Clubs will regularly find themselves tasked with acting as her bodyguard, a fairly standard affair. The trouble is that she’s a shapeshifter and regularly uses that talent to escape discipline or reproach. She might have been a petite brunette at the start of your shift, but by the end of things you may find yourself chasing after a blonde unicorn who’s impulsively decided to go for a gallop through the lobby. She’s prone to obsessing over something for a short while before discarding it in favor of the next distraction, which might prove beneficial to anyone who happens to be on her security team. Even if you don’t have a particular use for that solid-gold charm bracelet she tried to throw in the trash, there’s probably a buyer out there somewhere. Consider it a tip for having to spend an entire day listening to a spoiled rich girl complain about her first world problems. However, it might be best to donate it to one of your co-workers as an apology after the Birthday Girl has ripped up a deck of cards while denying she lost or disrupted a soulful ballad while yelling about how bored she was. At times, she even seems drunk – How did she even get access to tequila?? Keeping her away from the adult-only spaces might turn into a full-time job on its own.

For some reason, the high roller seemed concerned that their event might yield a low turnout. In an effort to stack the odds in favor of success, the resort has invited some extra guests from a number of other places and times. As a result, the event spaces seem particularly packed with bodies, creating a heavier-than-usual demand for service, particularly when it comes to the Spades and Hearts. Is it worth the time it takes to explain to the man in the powdered wig that he doesn’t need to worry about whether the British are coming? Perhaps your time will be better spent making sure that the waist-high green people stop trying to eat the poker chips. They say that the Squid People like to do simultaneous six-armed shots; best of luck to the bartenders tasked with keeping up with the wide variance of body types and needs. And that’s not even getting started with trying to clean up after the slimy trails left behind by the giant slugs.

Most of the guests have never met the Birthday Girl herself, but all of them seem convinced that she's the greatest friend who deserves absolutely all of this. It's something that some employees might experience firsthand, because any off-duty employee who steps into an event space will find themselves abruptly joining the guestlist. Whatever they were wearing before is suddenly replaced with a gown or suit more suitable for a teenager looking to dance the night away. It might be disorienting for some of the elders, if it didn’t come along with the brightness that comes from suddenly reliving a bygone youth, transformed back to the mentality they had at the age of sixteen. Their bodies might be the same, but they'll shed all that emotional growth and maturity that makes old people boring. If you were a preppy teen, live a little and come celebrate! If you were more of a goth, no one will judge you for stomping around sulking as you take advantage of the free food and spend the next three hours complaining about conformists. The important thing is to get people together having their version of a good time. If you get so caught up that you forget to sleep before your next shift, that's a problem for the future.

Diamonds will face different challenges as they do their best to please guests along this theme. Many of them will be regulated to performing generic pop music and birthday standards, trying to lead line dances and inspire audience participation. Barkers and cigarette girls might have a harder time switching tactics to appeal to a party full of people behaving like raunchy teens. Those who normally play classical music will find themselves booed and jeered, and anyone who dresses with a high hemline or a low neckline will find that the level of catcalling is more aggressive than usual. Maybe that’s what you want, though. It sounds like the tips will be nice throughout this event, at least. The adult-only workers might have it easier, but they might want to check passcards for everyone’s real ages every now and again. With everything going on, it’s a little hard to tell who might be cheating the system.

FEATURED GAME: PIÑATAS AND PONIES What’s a birthday party without some fun on the side? Staff members running the featured games will take a role of either Pony or Handler, assigned independently of one’s normal suit affiliation. Ponies are stuffed into enormous piñata mascot outfits, hunched over and awkwardly ambling with limited sight, all to appeal to the Birthday Girl and her throngs of guests. Handlers are there to act as festively-dressed organizers, charged with keeping order while the ponies and guests interact. Part of these shifts require intense trust between employees; ponies are awfully vulnerable in those outfits, especially when the more chaotic games get going!

On a rotating schedule, Pony/Handler pairs will be called upon to facilitate a number of services. Pony Rides are available to guests who request them. Handlers will help boost up a guest and allow them a casual ride upon a pony’s bright pastel back. This serves as a fun distraction as much as it can become a transportation service. Party shoes hurt, after all! As the party goes on past a week, some guests feel more entitled to demand rides to carry them even short distances.

When not being used as beasts of burden, they are the centerpiece of a running game. During a round of Pin the Tail on the Piñata, guests take turns being blindfolded and sent towards the pony with a long paper mache tail and the intent to attach the tail to the mascot costume. Unfortunately, getting it to fit properly means that the tail piece is fitted with a fairly substantial spike at the end. But it’s fine! There’s no way a guest can get at the person inside the costume even if they miss the cushioned rear end. Probably. Nobody’s actually had a chance to test it before things went live. But it’s most likely safe for employees. Guess everyone will find out at the same time. And hey, maybe if they damage a pony outfit enough, candy might pop out. Fun for the whole family!

Over in the adult spaces, some of the folks on staff have been modifying the costumes to get into ponyplay, but that’s to be expected with those types. They’re always finding a way to have a different kind of fun. (And is that the Birthday Girl trying on a harness?? She shouldn’t even be allowed in that area! Someone should probably do something about that.)

OOC And here's our first event, ready to kick off March with a little celebration and perhaps a few hijinks. If you have questions, feel free to direct them here.

And if you think this game might be a good fit for some friends, invitations are now open for the upcoming app round.

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Comments

[salamanca]

[Lalo is going to be in his presence! Whether Saul wants Lalo to be or not.

He watches Saul rub his shoulder and scoffs to himself. The nervousness is still obvious, and it's hilarious. But while Lalo is accustomed to Saul being nervous and scared in his presence, he can't help but feel like this level of anxiety is excessive, even for Saul. Is it just the change of scenery? Is he still that shaken up over Lalo's visit to his apartment? Something else eating him? Hmmmm.

Then again, Saul was just tah-dahing at him only moments ago, so maybe it's all just in Lalo's imagination.

He'll figure it out later. He has something more pressing going on. Can't get distracted.]

Yeah, see, about that. That's why I'm here. I need some help.

[Lalo is sitting normally in the chair now, or normally for Lalo anyway. He's stopped spinning. He's still smiling and his eyes glint mischievously.

Or terrifyingly.]

With a couple of things.

[justmakemoney]

[Oh, he wishes he could say he's surprised Lalo already needs help. But, he knows how Lalo is, and that's probably the least surprising thing he's heard from him here. He raises his eyebrows anyway, though, only caught off guard by the fact that he doesn't know where Lalo could be going with this.]

A couple of things?

[Go ahead, Lalo. Time to stress him out.]

[salamanca]

Yeah! See...

[Lalo is leaning back in the chair now. He drums his fingers on the desk. And he continues grinning at Saul.]

You're good at talking to people. Right, Saul?

[All in good time! It's important to build up to his request, after all.

Or rather, requests, plural. He's gonna have a few.]

[justmakemoney]

You won't last long as a lawyer if you aren't good at talking to people. From experience, that's about 85% of the job.

[He punctuates it with a knowing point at Lalo. While he's worried about just where Lalo is going with this line of questioning, he doesn't see a point in downplaying his skills here. Especially because he knows Lalo knows the truth; not many people that aren't a Salamanca have talked Tuco down and lived to tell the tale.]

[salamanca]

[Lalo points right back! And winks. Just make money, better call Saul, it's all the same to him — and he knows what it all really means.

Of course, he does know the truth. Tuco wouldn't stop taking about him for a while there.]

¡Excellente! Same old Saul.

So, I'm gonna need you to talk to some guys for me...

[He keeps leaning forward. Keeps grinning.]

How are you with numbers, Saul? You a numbers guy?

[If he isn't, that's not a big deal! Lalo definitely is. But he's decided that, in order to facilitate his life of crime here in this new place, he needs to know everything about everyone — interests, strengths, weaknesses, skills and talents. Why not start with someone he knows pretty well already?]

And hey! One more thing. About those balloons filled with heroin...

[justmakemoney]

[His face falls a bit at the heroin balloons comment before he laughs, giving Lalo a look that all but says "good one." Because that's totally what it is, right? It better be just a joke, a friendly little jab between client and attorney.]

In a pinch I can manage, but usually I outsource any of my more intensive... numbers work for clients. Let me tell you, those guys in Eastern Europe will do a hell of a lot more than any American, and the best part is, they were essentially untouchable.

We're still in the building a network phase here, though.

[salamanca]

[Lalo grins back at him, pleased Saul seems to have enjoyed his joke! Well, at least for now it's a joke. Eyebrow waggle.

But! Back to what he's really here for.]

Well... [There's actually a slightly hesitant pause. As far as Lalo is concerned, his home invasion is water under the bridge here, but he's aware Saul might not see it that way even if his former(?) lawyer is doubtless too terrified of him to say as much out loud.] I was going to offer my services. [A shrug! Trying to seem casual. And wheeee~ He spins in the chair.] If you wanted!

[Do they even need a "numbers guy" here? The way they would back home? Money feels almost fake here, with the way all of their debts are too large to be paid back normally.

BUT. He's so bored, okay. "Endless party in a huge casino" was fun for the first week or so, but he's increasingly aimless. He needs something to do.

Also...]

Oh! [He's facing the right way again now. He snaps his fingers.] The other thing I wanted to talk to you about!

I'm getting sued. [He sounds very nonchalant about this.]

[justmakemoney]

Your services?

[He blinks, doing his best to make sure his surprise looks pleasantly surprised. He isn't sure what game Lalo is playing, but staying on Lalo's good side here is paramount. No suspicion, no hiding, just being the sleazy lawyer Saul Goodman who's happy to have a high caliber client back in his presence. He doesn't particularly want Lalo's brand of service here, but he also knows telling Lalo no doesn't end well or fit with his cover, so instead what comes out is--]

The more the merrier, right? With everything going on here, those of us from the same place ought to stick together.

[But thankfully, he's spared any awkward further explanations by the rest of what Lalo wants to say.]

But, uh, let's back up here. You're being sued? By who?

[salamanca]

[Lalo looks up at Saul and snorts. He enjoys Saul's fear of him, of course. And he can feel it now, even though he does buy into Saul's act of seeming pleasantly surprised! But even with a pleasantly surprised Saul, there's an undercurrent of fear.

And despite enjoying Saul's fear, he really isn't playing any games! Well, except the game he is currently enjoying called "randomly take apart Saul's desk and dump empty drawers on the ground because there's no goldfish tank in here".

He's just so bored. And his black market connections are still in their infancy. He knows he can mostly trust Saul, if only because Saul can be intimidated into not double-crossing him.

Lalo pokes a head back up from behind the desk. He had poured himself out of the chair like a liquid to continue dumping drawers out. He grins at Saul in what he hopes is a winning way. Maybe if it weren't directed at Saul, it might be! Aimed at poor Saul it's probably just creepy, though. Sorry, Saul.]

Oh, yeah! Some snot-nosed brat's mother and this pendejo who says I stabbed him. [Lalo rolls his eyes.] You stab one guy through the hand with a paring knife and suddenly it's, "wah wah wah intentional infliction of emotional distress WAH WAH bodily harm". [Lalo laughs while mimicking someone talking by making a C-shape with his fingers and tapping his thumb to the rest of his joined fingers.]

He should be grateful! I was teaching his stupid ass a lesson, man. He was trying to order alcohol for underage girls! At my bar! They were right there with 'im. I could tell what he was doing.

I ask you: Who's really the criminal here? Me or him?

[Just kidding, Lalo is definitely the criminal here.]

Now the one of the kids' mothers says her daughter is "traumatized" [you can hear the air quotes, almost like Lalo finds the general concept of being traumatized to be a racket made up for the purpose of suing him], like she's never seen anyone get stabbed before. Please!

[justmakemoney]

[Look, if messing around with an empty desk keeps Lalo mostly sane and happy, Saul is perfectly fine letting him do just that. It's gonna be a pain in the ass later, he's sure, but for now, sure! Have at it! Mess around with the desk, there's not much there that's worth keeping secret yet.

He winces as Lalo tells his story, rubbing the back of his hand on reflex, because ow. And while he's sure there's more to this story than Lalo wants to share, because Lalo probably doesn't think any of the other details are relevant, a counter-strategy for this case is pretty cut and dry.]

If he was supplying underage girls with alcohol, that's a solid enough defense right there. Concerned for the safety of the girls, you took action into your own hands. The guy wouldn't take "no" for an answer, and stabbing--drastic though it may have been--was the fastest way to ensure the girl could continue on her way.

[As with any story he's telling, this explanation of Lalo's totally really altruistic actions are punctuated with pointing and talking with his hands. At the end, he gives Lalo a double point, a serious expression on his face.]

I mean, think about it. If you hadn't stabbed him, who knows what could happen? If anything, you minimized her possible trauma.

[salamanca]

[Of course there's more to the story! But Saul is correct that he has all of the story that Lalo has decided he needs to know, at least for now.

He listens to Saul's counter-strategy without really caring, having abandoned ripping apart the desk in favor of just leaning back in the chair, feet up. He does look interested when Saul says he minimized her possible trauma, though. Racket or not, he can recognize what at least sounds like a possible winning strategy.]

Hell yeah! [He nods and grins his approval.] I minimized her trauma! [He sounds deeply amused by just the idea that he could ever be responsible for minimizing someone's suffering.]

We should make sure the judge knows the guy was talkin' shit, too. That's important!

[Is he joking? Is he just trying to make Saul's life difficult on purpose for funsies? Honestly, who fucking knows at this point.

He sounds real proud of his contribution to their legal defense, though.]

[justmakemoney]

[Saul is going to go with "making his life difficult on purpose for funsies." That's just the sort of feeling he gets from Lalo after everything, with him showing up here out of the blue (just like he did) acting as if nothing had happened and they're all perfectly fine. It's some sort of scheme that he can't quite figure out just yet, and the only way he knows how to stay ahead--or at least even enough--is by playing along and also acting as if everything is perfectly fine. Or, at the very least, normal enough between them.]

He was talking shit? What, uh. What was he saying to you? Or her. Either or!

[salamanca]

[ Lalo's position doesn't change, but something in his demeanor does. The shift is subtle, more of a chance in the energy than anything physical, but it's definitely there.

He swerves Saul's question suddenly, and just eyes his former lawyer for a moment. ]

Something's different about you... [ Lalo rubs his mustache with a hand thoughtfully before he points a finger directly at Saul. ]

You sure you're okay?

[ He told you the car was water under the bridge! Are you really still that shaken up about one little visit to your house? Wow, what a pussy.

Also, do not think he is asking because he cares. He does not. The thoughtful squint in his eyes as he studies Saul make it very clear: this is a fact-finding question only, not one borne of empathy or concern. ]

[justmakemoney]

[he has never been okay in any sense of the word a single day in his life, lalo.

Fortunately for the both of them, as not okay as Saul is with everything going on here, there's an obvious explanation for any perceived funny behavior that he's happy to grab and run with. Saul raises his eyebrows and gestures around them vaguely, to indicate everything about the Elysium and the surrounding city areas.]

I mean, the both of us were kidnapped to the middle of who knows where by someone I can't remember. Frankly, I think it's a miracle we aren't doing worse.

[Yes, we. Because you were kidnapped too Lalo, aren't you so torn up about it.]

cw: brief drug mention

[salamanca]

Oh. Right. That! Hm.

[ Lalo is clearly buying what Saul is selling; whatever suspicions he had seem to melt away almost instantly.

But he talks like he's just realizing that quote-unquote "normal" people actually get really shaken up by being kidnapped.

Oh, being kidnapped is infuriating for Lalo. Bartending and card dealing are very fun, but they're not enough to keep him occupied and the same boring routine, day after day, is slowly wearing on whatever passes for Lalo's sanity. And it's not like he doesn't worry about how Salamanca operations are doing without him.

But he's also unshakably confident in his ability to find some way out eventually, even if it will take time and probably won't be by buying his way out the way the casino suggests he can. It doesn't occur to him to be afraid or broken up about it.

Lalo begins to put back all of the drawers he just dumped out, and while Lalo hides it well, Saul has doubtless dealt with enough drug addicts at this point to know certified tweaker behavior when he sees it. Lalo is always hard to read and often unpredictable even sober, but it might not be far off to suspect he's currently on something.

What can he say? He's bored, okay. He needs something to do.

One of the drawers -- which worked just fine before he dumped it out -- squeaks now. Lalo pushes it in and out, in and out, frowning, trying to figure out what he needs to do to fix it.

He talks without looking at Saul, returning to the topic of that self-important asshole who sued him. ]

Yeah, so, the guy! He was saying all this shit about how blah blah she's his daughter, he can buy a drink for her if he wants to. I told him not at my bar, asshole, I don't know she's your kid. [ Even high, even as sociopathic as he always is whether inebriated or not, Lalo has learned some idea of how to unfold the details of a story in a way that will make Saul accept it more easily. He hopes. ]

I mean, if someone wants to buy alcohol for their kid, fuck it. I don't care. I don't give a shit. You know? But they do. [ He pauses meaningfully, trusting Saul will understand that he means whoever brought them here. His attempts to get a meeting have failed. Frustratingly.

They also tend to frown on stabbings, of course, but Lalo cares less about that because the heart of the issue isn't the underage girl or the alcohol and more that... ]

So then he says he knows guys in this motorcycle gang we've [ he might mean the cartel; but he might also mean you-and-me, just like Saul did, because Saul is a friend of the cartel, right? ] been trying to steal territory from, so I had to stab him! You would have --

[ A pause. ]

Nah, you wouldn't've. But you understand why I had to. [ He looks up at Saul and grins. Then goes back to fumbling with the squeaky drawer. ]

[justmakemoney]

[Tweaker behavior is, indeed, something Saul sees on a near daily basis. He's used to all levels of it, from the total mess barely able to function level to the kind that more innocent souls might never notice. It's not a surprise to him that Lalo uses, even if he might not know the specifics of Lalo's drug of choice but it does make navigating him more dangerous than previously. Sober Lalo might be able to restrain himself better to either blend in or get what he wants, but Saul doubts high Lalo has that same level of self control.

But his story seems to have worked enough to get Lalo back on track. Probably because it really isn't entirely a lie. As much as he's glad to not be stuck as some Cinnabon manager in Nebraska, it's more than a bit concerning to be whisked away to the middle of who knows where with no memory of it happening.

He lets Lalo continue his story, nodding where appropriate in agreement. He needs this information anyway, apparently, since this will end up being his first case here in the Elysium whether he likes it or not, so he might as well do his best to show Lalo he's on his side for real he promises.]

You ask me, your actions are perfectly understandable. I may be a squeamish guy myself, but even someone like me gets it. Doing your job, and protecting a kid on top of it, if anything, they ought to pay you extra for that. In some places, that'd be model employee behavior.

[well, maybe without the gang war and stabbing part... but there's no helping that where Lalo is concerned.]

[salamanca]

[ Lalo blinks at him. Then his eyes go wide. He grins like a crazy person. Because he is a crazy person. ]

Pay me extra...?

[ His eyes gleam. ]

Pay me extra! Saul, you're a genius! [ Snaps fingers at. ] We should sue the Elysium, too! Make sure I get my money's worth. Right?

[ Don't worry, Saul. Even Lalo will realize why this isn't a good idea once he sobers up. Good luck explaining that to him while he's high as fuck and grinning expectantly at you with insane-o eyes, though. ]

[justmakemoney]

[oh that is definitely a look he doesn't like. That's too much danger and unpredictability in that grin--more than Lalo normally is, anyway--and everything in Saul's mind is telling him to get out of there, or at least start talking and try and de-escalate things.

So instead what he does is laugh, an appreciative grin on his face, giving Lalo a finger point as if he's so pleased with this plan. More business means he's happy right? That's what Saul Goodman would feel.]

One case at a time, my friend! We focus on clearing you from the bigger problems, then we can use that verdict to get a better payout. It's, uh... it's like when you go fishing and throw your catch back out to get something bigger. You know?

[salamanca]

[ The good thing about people high on meth is that their attention spans are frequently lacking! Even Lalo, whose mind is like a vice grip when he's sober, seems a bit distractible and suggestible in his current state. He grins. ]

Good idea! [ Still too cheery with the smile. ] Hey! Let's get outta here. What do you say? Lotta fun stuff to do around here, eh?

[ Saul wouldn't normally be his first choice for company, but he's still new here. The connections he's making here are in their infancy. Besides, he likes Saul (whatever it is worth to anyone to have Lalo like them, since his affection means so little), and the car is forgiven - no reason to hold a grudge in this new place - so they should spend time together, Lalo thinks. ]

[justmakemoney]

[What a coincidence because Lalo is not Saul's first choice for company, either. In fact, he is pretty much near the bottom, where he would rather spend time with strangers or alone than go hang out with Lalo! But of course, he can't tell Lalo that. He's gotta stay in Lalo's good graces and act as if nothing is wrong. If that's the game Lalo's playing, he has no choice but to play along.]

Setting up an office, that's fun stuff, right? Gotta get this place in peak Saul Goodman condition.

[salamanca]

[ Wow, wonder why Saul doesn't want to spend time with Lalo? It's a mystery!

To Saul's objections, though, Lalo stands up. And laughs. He goes over and pats Saul on the shoulder. ]

You can do that anytime!

[justmakemoney]

[It's a losing argument to try and argue with Lalo, he knows this full well by now, but he can't resist trying. He knows that hand on his shoulder means he's already lost.]

What, uh. What were you thinking of doing?

[salamanca]

[ Lalo grins at Saul while ushering him out of the office, either oblivious or simply indifferent to any struggling or protests. ]

Counting cards!

[justmakemoney]

[Saul raises his eyebrows, pulling a thoughtful face as he considers Lalo's offer. That's... much tamer than he expected. He was expecting like... drug smuggling or murder or threatening someone or some sort of tortuous adventure. That's what he thinks Lalo does in all of his free time now. But counting cards... He can do that.]

You know what, I could do that.

[salamanca]

[ It isn't like Saul really gets a choice here. Lalo had expected a lot more protesting, or arguing, and for Lalo to need to - cheerfully, of course! - yank him along. Like usual.

Saul casually saying that he can do that, without needing to be cajoled, is so unexpected that it briefly stops Lalo in his tracks. ]

Wait. You can? [ Lalo tilts his head, not unlike a confused -- albeit currently high on meth and often murderous -- puppy. ]